Names and titles can all get a bit confusing at times. My (mature) children still call me ‘Dad’ although I did tell them to use my first name if they felt happier about it, especially in public. My grandson sends me cards with ‘Nanny’ on them. Mum sometimes still uses male pronouns when referring to me but she is allowed to. She is the one who has known me the longest time and I accept that it is a big adjustment for her. I don’t like anyone else doing it and I correct them. Mum is Mum so she is privileged.

I won’t tolerate being ‘dead named’ either. For those of you who don’t know what that is; it’s when I’m addressed by my former (male) name.

One or two of my work colleagues still ‘dead name’ me. Ok, I know that some of them knew me in a former life, but they have had years now to adjust and get it right. Sometimes I ignore them, sometimes I snarl back with my proper name. It’s mainly the men (jerks). I think they are deliberately being obtuse most of the time.

Hiya all!

Did ya miss me?

Hmmm….   Probably not. As Elton said “The bitch is back”, and hear I am. I’ve been to some dark corners of my mind lately but I have come through and I’m ready to bore you all with my blogs again. When I get dark and moody, I withdraw from the world and my friends and well…. shut myself off from everything. The depression is chronic, the anxiety attacks are horrible and the self induced loneliness is all my fault. Loneliness is bad enough without me having to make it worse for myself. Thank goodness I have some beautiful friends who don’t get the hump with my rudeness and patiently wait for me to re-emerge and seek their comfort. One of my friends in particular, I will call her ‘L’, is a real sweetie. She will know it’s her I’m referring to and will probably read this, but so what. I publicly declare she is the sort of friend everybody needs. She is an angel and though I wind her up from time to time because we don’t always see eye-to-eye on a few things, she is still there for me. I am the ‘glass is half empty’ person and she is the ‘glass is half full person’. Yin and yang I guess. If she ever needs a kidney, she can have one of mine. Only one mind! I have one or two dear friends that I would do that for, but there is only one kidney up for grabs so it’s a case of ‘first come, first served’.

Drugs can help. I mean the legal ones. My doctor is a smashing fellow. He listens and thinks and then he gives me the drugs. Seriously though, he is the greatest!

Talking to someone helps; someone you can trust, whether it’s a friend or a professional stranger, a counsellor I mean. I know some of you out there will struggle to find somebody to talk to because of your circumstances, country, religions, et cetera.

You could always drop me a line (oops, that’s done it). I am not a professional. I am strange…. I mean a stranger and I like to think I can be trusted. I will reply to you eventually. I probably won’t be able to provide any positive help either. Yep, I’m pretty useless, but anyway, you never know. If, in the unlikely event that I am absolutely bombarded with messages, I will just tell you all to p*** **f and leave me alone. No, not really. I will be a little more polite about it.

That’s it for now. I will think of some more rubbish to type and come back later.

Stay safe y’all!